Have you ever heard of mamas using playpens for their children and wondered about it? Whether it was a good idea? Whether it would work? Whether your child would actually do it? What about how your child AND you might benefit if you tried it?
Well friend, I’m here to say that it’s not only a good idea, it’s a great one. That it does work. That I think your child might be able to do it incrementally, and that both of you could benefit greatly if you do. Read more about the benefits for independent play time here.
Let me start by saying what independent play time is not. independent play time is not putting your child in a playpen for an un-determined amount of time, or hours at a time, or leaving them unattended out of your sight, or neglecting them so you can do other things. None of that is what independent play time is.
Experts from Babywise and Brain Rules for Baby are big believers in independent play time, and having experienced it, I understand why.
So let’s talk about what independent play time IS. Independent play time is a structured segment of time in your child’s day where they are able to play safely and “by themselves” (meaning you can see them but they can’t see you), in a focused environment that amplifies their opportunity to learn.
Setting up the Space
To do independent play time, you’ll need a designated space for it. You can use a blanket for a baby who doesn’t yet crawl, a pack n play for a crawler to younger pre-toddler, a play pen for anywhere between 12mos-3 years or a child’s bedroom (3 and older) as the space for independent play time.
Make sure that the space is safe for them to play without needing you to intervene to keep them safe. (No choking hazards, nothing they can climb on, etc).
Put a few key toys and books in their play space. There will be other times of day when they have free range of a bunch of toys to choose from and play with, but right now is a time where you pick some specific toys and they get un-distracted time to engage with the toys and books you have chosen.
Use a timer and if desired, some music. We’ll get to the how in a minute, but it’s important that you have a timer so you can set the designated time where they will hear the timer when it goes off, and thus know that independent play time is done. We have found that putting on a kid’s playlist during independent play time is also helpful.
How to do Individual Play time
- First thing’s first–when you put your child in independent play time, it’s important that during this time you can see your child, but they can’t see you. If they see you, they’ll want you to direct their play, but not seeing you gives them the opportunity to direct their own play maximizing their opportunity to learn.
- If your child is brand new to independent play, put them in their space, turn on the music and try setting a 5 minute timer. Then walk to somewhere out of sight, where you can still keep an eye on them.
- Let your child play (without seeing you) and once the timer goes off announce that the timer has gone off and independent play time is over. Get them out of their independent play time space and transition to an activity together.
And there you have it! Your child has just completed their first round of independent play time!
If 5 minutes worked great, try it again tomorrow. In a couple of days, bump it up to 7 minutes. Then gradually increase to 10 minutes, and 15, then 20. You can work up to 1 hour of independent play time/day. For reference, my 3 year old has independent play time for 1 hour each morning. My 14 month old does independent playtime 3 times/day for 20-25 minutes at a time.
Some tips
It helps greatly if your child is well rested and fed before doing independent playtime to have the best results. I find that if my kids are tired or hungry or not feeling well, they will not want to play independently for long.
If your child has a hard time with 5 minutes in independent play time and starts to fuss or cry, shorten the timer and get them out *only after* the timer has gone off. This way you’re not letting them cry as you wait for the timer, but you’re shortening the time so that rather than picking them up immediately when they cry, the timer will now go off in 2 seconds, thus letting the timer be the one to “let them out”, so to speak. This is important. You want your child to know that the timer is the deciding factor of when they get out, not their whining. Once they realize this, they will be happy to play for longer but it may take some getting used to.
I have heard that for some, a physical kitchen timer that your child can see is helpful. For some kids, it can be hard to wait for a timer that they cannot see to go off, but if they can see it, they are fine to play happily. We honestly just use a timer on an iPad (from which we also play the Spotify playlist) but I have heard of this being helpful to some.
Once you begin this process of independent play time, it’s amazing what it will do for your child and for you. Doctors say that independent playtime is truly good for your child’s brain development. Not only that, but they learn how to self-entertain. Not only that, but you now have an extra 10 or 20 or 45 minutes or even 1 hour of time that you can use–(obviously while being near your child and paying attention to their safety and well-being)–but I have done many a workout video in the room next to the playpen, and written many a work email, or sometimes even just sat and rested during independent play time.
Give it a try and let me know what you think! For any mamas who already do this, any tips or advice to add?
