When I became a mama the first time around, I was shocked at all of the things I didn’t know about postpartum. Postpartum is the season of motherhood after you have a baby–the time that your body spends in healing and recovery after carrying and birthing a child. And in my experience, I have found that Motherhood is just one learning curve after another.
The learning curve begins with pregnancy and labor, followed quickly by caring for an infant and learning to survive on little to no sleep. It continues, though, with postpartum self care that has a learning curve all of its own that I think we don’t usually talk about.
On any given day, this learning curve can make me laugh at how different my life is now that I have kids, or cry because some things are just tough. But even though each of these curves has been hard for me at one time or other, I am exceptionally grateful for the blessing that led to them. So hear this list of the things no one tells you postpartum, not as things I am ungrateful for, but as things I hope to share from one mama to another, in hopes that knowledge is power, and makes your learning postpartum curve just a little less steep.
(Disclaimer: I’m not a medical professional, just a mama who’s been there a couple times. Please consult with your doctor before making any medical decisions!)
So, 7 Things No One Tells You About Postpartum:
1. You may lose your hair. I had heard this and hadn’t experienced it for the first 3 months of Aiden’s life so I thought I must be one of the lucky moms who doesn’t experience this. Then, month 3 came, and helloooo hair loss. Thankfully, not all in one chunk, but lots and lots of hair loss. Followed by hair re-growth and the surprising appearance of baby hairs on my head, right around my face. Ohh hormones.
2. It may be difficult to walk. Let’s be honest, labor is an intense athletic event. When I ran a marathon, I had a hard time walking for days, so I’m not sure why I thought it would be any different with labor. For weeks, it took me quite a while to get from point A to point B, so be patient with your body as you recover, and make sure to get rest as you can.
3. Nursing can have the same effect on you as intense exercise–calories, endorphins & exhaustion. Oh and possibly nausea. The act of making milk and being another human-being’s main source of nourishment is both life-giving and physically exhausting! I used to get nauseous and sick sometimes after nursing because of the sheer number of calories I was burning. So, know that nursing can be oh so joyful AND exhausting, so if you’re extra tired, have grace for yourself, and make sure you’re getting the water and extra food that you need. If you’re curious, you can read about my experiences with breastfeeding here and here.
4. Your emotions may feel all over the place. When we brought Aiden home from the hospital, I cried at how nervous I was, and then I cried at how much I loved him… basically I cried at everything for the first couple weeks. Everyone’s journey with this is unique so you may feel back to yourself sooner, but if you don’t, know that it is completely normal to feel not-yourself for a while. I struggled with postpartum anxiety after my first child, and postpartum depression after my second, and both of those were quite difficult. It’s a good thing to talk with your doctor, be honest with yourself, and ask for help.
5. You may not recognize your body. i.e. my belly button is never going back. I know that the reasons for this are wonderful, but I’ll be honest, I had a much easier time with my growing body while pregnant, than I did with how it looked postpartum. Swelling, excess weight, stretch marks and my not so beautiful belly button were hard to swallow. While pregnant, people can tell that you’re pregnant, or it’s pretty easy to put your hand on your tummy and people assume there’s a reason for your growing bump. Postpartum, it’s not like I can wear a sign that says “I just had a baby” which I totally wanted to do in order to explain away my new postpartum bod. I’m not sure what my advice is here but to learn to love your skin no matter what it looks like postpartum, and that the only opinions that matter are yours and the ones you love most, who don’t need you to explain why you haven’t lost the baby weight yet. Oh, and to invest in some loose, flowing shirts.
6. People will have many questions, opinions and expectations. Things like: is your baby sleeping through the night? Even when my baby was sleeping through the night, it felt like the new Expectation was that I shouldn’t be tired, but as someone who is the main source of nourishment for their child, and also just a new parent, I think I might be tired from now until forever. Or When will you start your baby on solids? Everyone does this differently. For a breastfed baby, research says 6 months is ideal to start so that’s what we went with but honestly starting solids is complex and confusing so it’s okay to not have it figured out. Or How long will you keep nursing? All I can say is, have grace for yourself and the question askers because it’s okay for you to not know the answers to these questions, and sometimes people are just curious and it can come off as judgey. There are SO many decisions to make as a new parent and thankfully, you don’t have to make them all at once. Learn what you can, do your research and decide what’s right for you and baby and then stick to it.
7. Healing takes time. The first time I had a baby, I didn’t feel “myself” until around 3 months postpartum. The second time around, it took even longer. Even now with a 3 year old and a 1 year old, there are still some things that feel really different than they used to. Motherhood changes you in good ways and in ways that I’m still getting used to, but I’m grateful for the journey and the growth along the way.
My advice–give yourself lots of grace and time, and soak in every minute with your new babe. Before you know it, they’ll be a baby, not an infant, and then you’ll be sending them off to college. I jest, I jest. But seriously I hope it doesn’t feel that fast. Lots of grace and love to you, new mama, as you enter this journey of motherhood. It is not easy, but it is every bit worth it.
What was your postpartum journey like? Any advice you’d add to the list?
