They call it “the fourth trimester”. The first 3 months of postpartum life. As if it’s still a part of your pregnancy because your body is in full recovery mode. Not only are you in full recovery mode, but you are in full care-taker mode as well. Nourishing, cuddling, and providing for your sweet newborn 24/7.
And it seems that when you’re out of the fourth trimester and your little one hits three months, that all these milestones are supposed to have been met for mom and baby. Better sleep, easier breastfeeding, losing the baby weight, getting the hang of this mom-thing and ready to go back to work if that’s your situation.
For some of you who are reading this right now, perhaps those things have been true for you of your postpartum experience. And to you, I say, that’s amazing. It is certainly a gift to have an easier postpartum experience and something to savor. This might not be the post for you 🙂
In my experience, the postpartum season of life has been hard with all 3 of my kids. Each of my babies had tongue ties resulting in difficulty breastfeeding and all of them needing either a tongue clip, oral surgery, or in one of my baby’s cases, multiple surgeries. As a mom, I have struggled with postpartum anxiety and depression. This doesn’t mean the fourth trimester wasn’t sweet for me and my littles, it’s just that I might describe it more as surviving rather than thriving.
So let me just say, I’m out of the fourth trimester and we still aren’t sleeping through the night. Breastfeeding is still hard. I still have not lost the baby weight. And I still regularly feel like I don’t know what I’m doing even though this is my third go-around.
This reality has made me feel sad at times. It has made me question whether I’m a good mom, feel shame that we just can’t seem to figure some things out, or even feel angry that my postpartum experience wasn’t as easy as so and sos.
And when I start to feel those things, the Holy Spirit reminds me that I’m believing lies. That motherhood is hard whether you’re in the fourth trimester or not. That whether you are on your first kid or third, its okay to not know what you’re doing and every baby is different. When I start to feel this way, I have to be reminded of how God sees me.
God is my Good Shepherd–and it says in Isaiah 40:11, “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.”
Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”
The Lord knows that having a newborn is tough. He isn’t wondering why I don’t have it together, or frustrated that I’m still crying out for help–He gently leads those that have young. He is looking to save me, taking delight in my neediness and rejoicing over me with singing.
How glad I am that His expectations for me as a parent are so very different than those of the world or even the pressure I can put on myself. So if you’re feeling discouraged in your parenting journey, know that God leads you gently. He doesn’t expect you to have it together, He just longs for us to lean on Him. Believe what He says to be true about you, mama, especially on those hard days–he is rejoicing over you with singing.
