There’s this thing about my kitchen that really drives my husband crazy. It’s that the oven is too far away from the sink. Now you might think–what an odd thing to drive someone crazy but let me explain. You see, the oven handle is where we hang our kitchen towels, and for the past seven years that we have lived in our home, we have been washing our hands at the kitchen sink, and then traipsing over to the stove to dry them.
The only problem with this long-standing habit is that I (and somehow I’m the only one) drip water all across the floor on my way to the stove. Can you see where this is going? The main problem with this issue is that wet floors inevitably lead to wet socks–something my husband despises. He has tried to coach me on this–try shaking the excess water off at the sink before walking; or try holding your hands upright as you walk so the water drips down your arms instead-despite my attempts, his coaching was to no avail and ultimately he decided to buy some waterproof slippers. This has felt like a bandaid on a seemingly innocent issue that has caused actual frustration and conflict in our marriage.
Questions arise–don’t you value me enough to not let the water drip? And don’t you value me enough to just always wear slippers? You can see how something as small as the oven being too far from the kitchen sink starts to have ripple effects. Annoyance turns into anger and conflict.
Until last week. We had the same conversation over again, except this time, I told him–Let me think of something that’s difficult for you to change and then let you know what I want you to do in return.” Very “eye for an eye” of me. I went upstairs angry, internally complaining about my now wet sleeves and a bad start to the morning, and the Holy Spirit reminded me–humility is what He desires. It’s what I prayed for that morning in my quiet time.
So I walked down the stairs and apologized. And it hit me–why not put an adhesive hook on the wall right next to the sink and hang a kitchen towel there? In all the 7 years of living here, not once had this thought ever occurred to us.
I dug out a command strip only to find the adhesive backings were gone. No matter, this was too good not to make happen right away, so I taped the hook to the wall and hung a towel there. A couple days later, I replaced it with an adhesive hook. From then on, wet floors and wet socks have not been an issue for us. A small annoyance that had become a sore point in our marriage was fixed with a reminder of humility, an apology and an adhesive hook. So. Simple.
And my question is–where in your marriage do you need an adhesive hook? Maybe not a real one, but is there anything that is stealing your joy with your spouse? Rather than ignore it, or make excuses for it; rather than letting it stew for 7 years or mumble an apology but not really change, what if you took 5 minutes to pray and see if you can find a solution? It might be a lot more simple than you think.
I pray that the Lord would give us humility to love our spouses well, and a holy dissatisfaction with thinking “it is what it is” to the sore spots in our marriage. Here’s to many more symbolic adhesive hooks in our future. 🙂
