I feel like I say this more often than I would like but yesterday was not a good day. We had plans to go do a Fall family activity since Matt was off of work and Aiden didn’t have preschool but we ended up having to cancel those plans. I won’t get into the why for now, but I’ll just say that whenever I have expectations for the day and they get changed (or ruined, as I would have said yesterday), I react pretty poorly.
I wish that I reacted better, really I do. We went on a walk in the morning after deciding to cancel our plans and I was grumpy and on the verge of tears the whole time. What hit the nail on the head was when an older man in our neighborhood (that we have never talked to, mind you) asked when I was due. I told him 2 weeks from now and he said, “Really? Because you look 2 weeks past due!” My husband gave me a nervous/shocked glance, and as if that comment was enough, the man proceeded to ask, “So are you guys just going to keep having more kids or what?”
2 comments from a complete stranger, that *typically* I would just let slide. Because the truth is, I get comments like this often as a pregnant woman—but this, this was the straw that broke the pregnant camel’s back, and as he walked away, tears began to just pour down my face. We were near the end of our family walk, so Matt said he would finish it with the kids and I made a beeline (a waddle, really) for home while sobbing the rest of the way back.
It wasn’t just the comments from a complete stranger that got me. It was my hopes for the day that had felt crushed. And despite my best efforts, I remained in a bad mood until dinnertime when we got Chik Fil A (the real MVP) and I started to feel a bit more like myself again.
I’ve been thinking a lot about expectations since then—you see, I had expected a week of rest and fun Fall activities with my family this week since my husband is off of work. I had expected time to prep for my son’s birthday, and baby girl arriving, and those expectations felt dashed. And perhaps what I’m learning is that it’s OKAY if we don’t soak in every fall activity this week. If all of my ambitions to celebrate or even prep the house don’t happen—it’s okay. Some seasons, you just need to be. To rest, to get well, to reset.
That’s hard for me. I want to do everything to the 100th degree. Go hard or go home, even when it comes to rest and play. But I think there is wisdom in recognizing different seasons. That there is a time to play hard, and a time to just make sure everyone is okay. A time to do the hard work of preparing for a new baby and a time to rest up enough to be ready for her. A time to thrive and sometimes a time to just get by. That even those seasons are okay. And God is right there in the moments with us that feel like we are just hanging on.
So this is me in a season that feels less like thriving and more like getting by. And rather than trying to hide it, I want to ask God to make His power perfect in my weakness. That on the days when I am mad at my husband and kids, and spend time wallowing in self-pity (despite all the blessings I know I have been blessed with), that Jesus is right there with me in my messiness covering me with grace. And he’s doing the same for you, friend. So perhaps yesterday, or this week or maybe even this year have been rough. That’s okay. It’s okay to say it’s a tough season. The Lord is with you in those moments and hours and days. Two verses come to mind for just such moments–
Zephaniah 3:17 “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.“
and Lamentations 3:19-26,
“I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.”
When you are just getting by, you are not alone. The Lord is with you and takes delight in you. And while you’re waiting for His salvation, remind yourself of His goodness and faithfulness of the past. And take heart that tomorrow is a new day for new mercies to abound.
