Written by Melanie Reilly
When my first daughter was just a few months old, I was exhausted and overwhelmed. Accomplishing once-easy tasks like meal planning or running errands suddenly felt so difficult when I factored in naptime, my daughter’s eating schedule, and my own fatigue. I remember talking on the phone with a close mentor, asking how, as an older mom of four, she cared for her family each day. She laughed and replied, “you just do it!” At the time, I was slightly discouraged by the advice–I was really hoping for some kind of sample schedule or fail-proof parenting tips, but now that I have four little ones of my own, I know what she means! If you’re wondering what it’s like to have multiple kids close in age, or feeling wary about your own ability to parent the child or children you have now, I pray these small lessons my husband and I have learned over the last several years encourage you!
My “Just Do It” Tips for Parenting (Nike, Please Don’t Sue)
Acknowledge that some seasons are hard – Moms of little ones are often stopped in stores or out in public and are told to “enjoy this season, because it goes by so fast!” And it does! But I think it’s reasonable to acknowledge that seasons of parenting can also be trying, defeating, and draining. I think one of the beautiful things about motherhood is the ability to embrace dynamic tensions. We can acknowledge that we are so tired of settling sibling disputes AND we’re grateful to hear the happy chatter of our sweet kids. We’re desperate for time alone AND thankful for the tight hugs and sometimes slobbery kisses from our toddlers. We’re terrified our child will never potty train AND in awe of the creative way his or her mind works. Acknowledging our positive and negative feelings toward motherhood allows us to greet each day’s highs and lows with joy–accepting grace for the hard moments and expressing thanks for the sweet ones.
Set expectations lower than you think – This isn’t to say we walk around with a constantly pessimist outlook, but that we remember that with four kids under six, there’s a high possibility that at any given time, someone will be tired, or hungry, or cranky, or scared, and that’s normal! If we can go into any activity or outing expecting that at least one child will have hard moments, and plan in advance to give grace, gentle guidance, or have a full-on back up plan, we’ll all have a much better time!
Prioritize one-on-one time – This is a relatively new habit for my husband and I, but it’s been sweet to see the fruit of this new practice. Each week, we set aside a couple of hours to take one of our kids out for one-on-one time. It’s rare that we get a substantial period of time to talk to just one child, so this dedicated time allows for that in a way our day-to-day lives don’t. Often the one-on-one time is simple — grabbing juice from Starbucks (weirdly, my kids find this so novel), and walking around a nearby park, but it is such a gift to be able to soak in time with just one kid and to learn more about him or her and to enjoy his or her personality.
Accept (some of) the mess – No matter how many hours I spend picking up my house, I’ll inevitably walk into a room (usually my own) and see that the darn Dad Tiger figurine is back out again in his mysteriously pantsless attire. Over the years, I’ve learned to let go of the goal of having a perfectly tidy house. Instead, I choose a few things to prioritize, and try to let go of the rest. For me, it’s important for my own sanity that the kitchen and living room is mostly picked up before we go to bed. Other than that, I do my best to let it go. For the past two months, I’ve been dutifully ignoring a Paw Patrol firetruck that has been next to my bed. It’s practically part of my decor now.
Set boundaries, then repeat them (often) – I’m thankful to be home with my children most days. But, if I’m not careful, my availability to them can get a little out of hand. Tiny feet will follow close behind as I try to enter my bathroom, assuming I’ll be able to continue to explain why Peter Pan isn’t real while I shower. Children will hover over my dinner plate, asking for a bite, and then spitting out said bite back on to my plate. Thus, I realized I needed some gentle yet unwavering boundaries. Since my middle children no longer nap, I’ve established “Mommy’s Quiet Time.” When I eat lunch, they are not allowed to ask me questions, ask for snacks, sample my food, or otherwise interrupt my solo meal. The same applies for when I go into a bathroom (so revolutionary to be alone in a bathroom, I know!). Too often I was available for non-pressing needs, and it led me to feel constantly frazzled, unable to complete a thought. I often still have to repeat my boundaries, “remember, this is my quiet time, you can ask me that later,” but now I’m free to study foreign languages while I eat my lunch in peace! Kidding. I catch up on blogs and Instagram. Regardless, it’s nice to have a few regular moments to myself!
I hope these tips will prove useful to you! Motherhood is certainly one of the great “ANDS” in life–wonderful AND difficult, joyful AND chaotic, fun AND tedious. I pray that wherever you are today, you feel free to experience all of the emotions that come with it, and that you feel encouraged that you are not alone!
Melanie and her husband Colin live just outside of Richmond with their four kids, Ella, Jessa, Lila, and Teddy. She works part time in customer service and marketing, a field she was in prior to having kids. In their spare time, the Reillys enjoy hiking (actually just walking, but there are often trees around), baking, and the Frozen franchise (this one is just the kids. Actually only 2/4 of the kids).